


Ghost Of You

by katiekat784



Series: All The Ways You Said "I Love You" [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Future Fic, Not A Happy Ending, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-20 04:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiekat784/pseuds/katiekat784
Summary: Kara realized for the first time that she was going to outlive them all, her friends, her family. Every human that she loved was going to wither away before her eyes and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.Kara's thoughts as she prepares for a funeral.





	Ghost Of You

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my "All The Ways You Said 'I Love You'" series. The prompt was "When I'm Dead".

It was November when it ended up happening. She found out about it through Carter. His voice was hoarse, and distant. She suspected that it took a lot of consideration for him to even dial the number. She was surprised that he even told her. They hadn’t spoken in almost fifteen years and she almost burst into tears at the sound of his voice. But she was grateful that the first time she was hearing about what had happened wasn’t when she turned on the news. She took the first flight to London because that's where Cat had ended up and it had been years since the public saw the caped hero flying around. That and she wasn’t sure that she would be able to handle it. Her mind was too occupied, too full of memories, of regret.

The flight was long and by the time she landed, she almost regretted not using her own abilities to get there. There was no one waiting for her at the airport but that was to be expected. She checked into the hotel and sat on the edge of the bed. It had been so long since she saw the woman last, so long since they last spoke. She had heard things about the other woman’s deteriorating health through the grapevine but she didn't think that it would happen so soon. She wasn't ready, although the voice in the back of her mind reminded her that she would've never been ready for this day. That's why they hadn't spoken in so many years.

Humans die of diseases or murder or tragic accidents all the time. But they also die of old age. And sure, she's aware that she'll die eventually too. She definitely wasn't immortal but her aging process slowed down almost completely once she reached her twenties. And that was perhaps the cruelest thing about living on earth. Everyone she ever loved, aged. Which meant that she had to watch each person slowly slip away from her. Year after year, person after person. The first one to leave her was Jeremiah, Cadmus had done a lot of damage to him and eventually, all the years caught up with him. Eliza passed shortly after in her sleep. Alex wanted to believe that it was because she couldn't take losing her husband for the second time. Sure she knew that it would happen, she had always known. But it was then when it really hit her. She was going to lose her family, her friends all over again. 

It was then when Kara decided that she needed to distance herself from them. She needed to let them go. Because if she did it earlier, ehile they were still young and healthy and had so much life ahead of them. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when she found out that they were no longer alive. And she did leave. She ran away from National City, from her old life. It was years later when she finally came back on the grid. Alex forgave her for leaving, for not even saying goodbye. In a way, she understood or at least tried to but they were never the same. Alex had her own life, her own family to take care of and she didn't want to intrude on it. Cat on the other hand, couldn't forgive her. She didn't blame the other woman for hating her. In fact being hated almost made it easier, almost. She just wished that it didn't hurt so much. That all those years that went by with no contact were things that she didn't feel so guilty about. But mostly she just wished that she could've aged with the other woman. Because then maybe they would've got to experience the life they had dreamed about all those years ago.

She closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. It was then when she realized that she couldn't go through with it. She couldn't go to the funeral. Maybe it was stupid and she was definitely punishing herself but she couldn't be the same room as all those grieving people and not feel guilty. Why should she be allowed to grieve for someone who she was such an awful person to? It wasn't Cat's fault that she aged but she just left her, packed up and gave up because she was selfish. Because she couldn't handle the thought of losing the love of her life. She felt the wetness on her cheeks and didn't even bother trying to stop the tears. No, she wasn't going to the funeral but she would grieve. Here, in that hotel room, alone. It was then when the realization hit her. It didn't matter how many years went by since she saw the other woman or heard her voice, nothing changed. Her feelings for the other woman stayed the same as they always had. Except now, not only was she heartbroken, she also knew that she would never be able to rid herself of the guilt that was rumbling in the pit of her stomach.

She let out a shaky breath as she whispered into the air. "I'm so sorry. I love you. I will always love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated. :)


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